How parents, carers and guardians can help their teenage or young adult children manage stress and anxiety during the exam season.

By Jane Pendry

Sense-Ability Hypnotherapy & Coaching

1: Have Realistic Expectations and Hopes

All you can ask your child to do is their very best.

You know well before the exam is taken whether they will be a natural Oxbridge scholar, a brilliant mathematician, or a natural linguist. You will also know if they can strip and put together a car engine, have extraordinary balance and agility, can paint like Leonardo da Vinci or have the heart and soul of Mother Theresa.

Your children’s abilities

Exams and qualifications are about your children’s ability, goals and aspirations. Not yours.

You naturally want the best for your child, but reflect on whether your expectations are realistic. Discussions with teachers, your child and your partner or spouse will help you gauge what outcome it’s reasonable hope for.

Unconditional love

Not everyone however is destined for greatness and that’s okay. Your child needs your unconditional love and belief. They need to know that, whatever the outcome, you’ve got their back and nothing will change

Acknowledge all their unique gifts and qualities before you start talking to your teen about setting realistic exam goals, whether these are aiming for 1 GCSE, 4 A* A levels, or vocational qualifications.

Realistic and achievable goals

Once you and your child have some sense that goals are achievable and realistic, you will be better able to help them plan a study schedule that will aim to meet (and with the right attitude to learning possibly exceed) those expectations.

2. Help Create Study Plans and Timetables

Most teens do not have a brilliant sense of time or great planning skills. Having a realistic a plan and sticking to it really will help them maintain good mental health and reduce anxiety; however a plan that is too rigid and demanding will have the opposite effect.

It's tempting to create a strict timetable for the exam season, and to push and nag your child to study. This is a poor management strategy for adults, so it is highly unlikely to reap positive results with your teens. All that will achieve is added anxiety. Your child will likely have been taught study skills by their school so ask them what they know about the process of learning and what works best for them.

Negotiation is the key

Negotiation is key. If for some reason your child is resistant to your help, find another appropriate adult to help them… an older sibling, an uncle or an aunt.

Plan well ahead

Planning well in advance breaks down what needs to be learnt in to smaller chunks and makes the whole process of studying feel much more manageable. It will give your teen a sense of being in control and will reduce anxiety.

Make an agreed time to discuss a study plan with your child as early as you can on the run up to exams. Explain that you will do all you can to help and support them. If your teenage children are given some adult responsibility to put together a timetable and a plan for studying, including times for rest, social life and family life, they will be fully engaged in the process and will be much more likely to take responsibility for their own learning.

3. Support Habits, Routines and Rest

Regular study habits and routines are helpful. However, it is also important children connect with others in order to maintain mental health and to reduce anxiety. Aim to negotiate a balance between disciplined study periods, social engagement and entertainment (I would include using social media in that as it is highly addictive and time consuming).

Rewards and Rest

Once a plan is in place, you may be able to think up some rewards together, for example if they manage to stick to the plan, more or less, for each week, they can spend more time socialising or playing computer games

If you have the sort of child who creates their own study timetable and is naturally studious, just make sure he or she does plan in down time. Sometimes a studious, thoughtful child is an anxious child so do make sure that your child factors in time to rest, relax and socialise. Explain how important rest is for their mental health and wellbeing, and for their ability to learn effectively.

You might consider how you can support the study plan by preparing and providing healthy snacks, including shared family activities for winding down or sharing revision.

4. Encourage Study Life Balance

Now you’ve had the planning session, and a routine is emerging, your child may need some support and encouragement to stick to timetables.

We all acknowledge time management is harder than ever, especially for young forming minds. Wall-to-wall sport, films and Netflix series’, social media and computer games available 24/7.  There are so many other things your teenage child or young adult may want to be doing other than studying!

Modern challenges

Recognising how hard it is for teenagers to balance their studies with sport, socialising, creative activities and family time will help to you set the tone for a respectful discussion. Remember they are facing many more pressures than you probably did at the same age.

You may see your child making poor judgements or mistakes. Instinctively you want to tell them what to do. But think back to your teen years. How effective do you think that strategy will be?

Solutions and Self-determination

Ask your children what pressures they are experiencing and what solutions they can come up with to alleviate some of those pressures. How might they reduce their social media usage? What could they do to make sure they get enough sleep? How can they find time for friendship and socialising. What help and support would they like?

Sometimes the best phrasing to the opening of a question is “Would you be able to … “ This makes your child reflect and consider whether indeed the would be able to do something and to start thinking about solutions. The aim to give your children some agency in their decisions so they take ownership. You might also ask… “What solutions can you think of to … What ideas do you have that make gut help you to … What do you think would be a good idea? … Can you think of a better way to manage your time?”

Tie to think and reflect

Usually, your children do know intellectually what they should and should not be doing but remember, their frontal lobes are not yet fully formed. They need to time to think, reflect, and come up with solutions. So pose the questions and give them time to come up with ideas.

And really listen to what they have to say. You may be surprised at how this open approach encourages a different and more positive response from your anxious teenager or young adult.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful and your children have just the right balance between work, rest and connecting with others during the challenging exam season.

Getting Support and Help during the Exam Season

When parents find it hard to support children, or see they are struggling to form a routine or break bad study habits, NLP and Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can be helpful. Equally, young adults may conclude themselves that they need some sort of support, guidance and help with motivation.

Jane at Sense-Ability can help children aged 13 and over, as well as young adults at university, to set realistic goals, and reframe and embed helpful study, sleep and rest routines using hypnosis, NLP techniques and Solution Focused conversations. The process gives young people personal agency and to take back control, giving them confidence and motivation. To find out more contact Jane today, or book a free initial consultation to discuss your hopes. Or find out more at www.sense-ability.co.uk

Jane Pendry is a multi award-winning Solution Focused Hypnotherapist. Jane’s first half hour consultation is free so if you think Jane can help you manage your own stress and anxiety, or help your child manage their stress and anxiety during the exam season, do get in touch. Jane is also a qualified KS2/3 teacher. She helps teenagers and young adults with study skills, NLP goal setting and techniques to help them get the most out of their studying.

jane@sense-ability.co.uk

www.sense-ability.com

Ref: https://neurosciencenews.com/multitasking-brain-overload-6531/

Photo (c) Young Ge Unsplash